


I screwed up

by civillove



Series: seblaine drabble prompts from tumblr [23]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 02:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2605865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anonymous asked:<br/>HTGAWM!Seblaine au. Come on you know you wanna!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I screwed up

He hasn’t seen Sebastian in weeks.

And yeah, he misses him. Of _course_ he misses him.

But Sebastian has to understand that he can’t just use people and treat them like trash and get favors and affection or whatever else he wants in the moment in return.

He just can’t. Or at least that’s what Blaine keeps telling himself when he wakes up some days and almost texts him. Or when he presses his nose into the pillow next to him, trying to pick up his scent before he falls asleep.

Or when he opens his front door and finds Sebastian there, at six in the morning, chest heaving with panicked breaths over something that’s happened.

 “I screwed up.” He chokes out.

Blaine stands in the doorway a moment, confused, watching Sebastian pace back and forth in small, tight circles. In all the time he’s known Sebastian, and alright it’s only been a few months but he feels like he _does_ know him in way, he’s never seen him like this before. Cleanly pressed and confident, _sexy,_ knows all the right words and all the right touches, knows just how to kiss or where to put his mouth, Mr. prepared and organized, straight to the point and sometimes cold—looks like he’s about to break down on his doorstep.

And he nearly does.

“Sebastian—”

“I-I screwed up, Blaine I—” He heaves out a broken noise, like an animal crying. It’s an ugly sound, it settles heavily like lead in his gut. He hates it. “I screwed up _so_ bad.”

As much as Blaine wants to be the person to stand up for himself, to turn Sebastian away no matter what mess he’s gotten himself into…he can’t. His resolve melts when the other’s knees buckle against the wall next to his door and he sinks to the floor.

He’s having a panic attack, that’s at least the only clear thing. Blaine kneels next to him, puts his hand on his shoulder, squeezing…not sure what else to do because he’s not exactly sure what’s _wrong._

“Hey, shh.” Blaine murmurs. “Come on, let’s…let’s get you inside.”

He maneuvers Sebastian up and off the ground, his body cold to the touch. He smells like he’s _drenched_ in ashes, coat and clothes and skin. He gently takes his coat off of him, presses him onto the couch, forces him to sit.

He won’t stop shaking, his breath coming in hiccupping gasps into his lungs.

“Hey,” He kneels in front of him, between his knees. They’ve both been in this same position so many times—it’s amazing how different it is now but still intimate. “Hey, Sebastian. Look at me. You’re alright, just… _breathe.”_

Sebastian shakes his head, his throat actually sounds sore from how he’s trying to force oxygen down his windpipe. His eyes fill with tears, hands reaching out to grip Blaine’s shoulders until they hurt.

“I-I screwed up, fuck. I…I can’t fix this. I can’t—”

Blaine swallows, his hand falling to Sebastian’s thigh. “Shh, whatever it is, you’ll figure it out. Just try and focus on calming down for me, okay?” He speaks gently, warmly, fingers rubbing small circles into his jeans.

“That’s it.” He says after a few moments, taking Sebastian’s hand and pressing it against his own chest. “Just like this,” He takes a long breath in, “In,” and lets it out slowly. “And out. In and out.”

Sebastian eventually mimics the actions, his breaths calming even though his body doesn’t stop shaking. He leans forward, exhausted, forehead pressing into Blaine’s. He brings his hand up and cups the back of Sebastian’s neck, running his thumb over the skin, back and forth. He presses his nose and lips into the other’s shoulder, scrunches his nose at the smell of cinder and dirt before pulling back.

“How bout a shower?” He asks softly, cupping Sebastian’s jaw.

Sebastian hesitates a moment before he speaks. “That depends, will you be naked and joining me for this shower?” He tries to tease him, tries to fall back into his typical responses to things but there’s an obvious disconnect between who Sebastian is right now and who he’s trying to be.

That mask doesn’t fit on his face anymore. It’s broken, it’s shattered into pieces.

He hums softly and stands, helping Sebastian up as well. He pulls him into the bathroom and starts peeling the layers of his clothes off, skin cold to the touch, probably numb. Blaine rubs his hands against his arms before he turns the shower on, forgetting about getting to work on time. He has days coming to him anyways, he can call off later.

He manages to get Sebastian into the shower and gets in himself a few moments later because the other’s legs are wobbly, at best. The last thing he wants is for him to slip or lose his balance all together and hit his head off the faucet.

“You’re too good to me.” Sebastian mutters, his trembling disappearing a little under the steady hot stream of the shower.

Blaine swallows, doesn’t reply because he doesn’t know whether Sebastian means it or not. He tends to say a lot of things he doesn’t mean, even when they end up being true.

He rubs his hands along Sebastian’s arms, trying to generate friction, the other’s forehead eventually falling to his shoulder. He peppers kisses against his collarbone, an absentminded knee-jerk reaction.

He’s not sure if he should try and get Sebastian to talk about what happened or leave well enough alone. “What do you think you screwed up?” He asks quietly, running his fingers through the other’s hair. “Were you…” He swallows. “Were you talking about us?”

Sebastian snorts but he doesn’t laugh, the sound isn’t light and neither are his words, “Not exactly. But I could have been. Everything I touch turns to shit.”

Blaine swallows, plants another kiss on his cheekbone before helping him out of the shower and into some of his clothes. He doesn’t regret holding him close as Sebastian eventually falls asleep, dreams (or nightmares) making him jerk awake at some points.

He does, however, regret it when he wakes up around three PM and Sebastian is nowhere to be found. The sheets are cold.


End file.
